I’ve been thinking about grief recently. in fact its one of my favourite topics, not because I feel like I am in deep grief, but because I have been in deep grief in the past- like most of us have I think- and the way we deal with the grief goes on to affect almost every single aspect of our lives. I wanted to include a post about grief in my month of love series because grief is so often a part of love.
I read a beautiful article about grief this week, which I shared on my Facebook page and was subsequently shared many times. It correlated the feeling of deep grief to the feeling of drowning. The writers description of grief felt like she had somehow mined my heart. The feeling of pressure on your lungs, the bodies flight or fight response.
Beautiful isn’t it?
Valentines can be a painful, shitty month if you don’t want to be single or you’re in a crappy relationship. My relationship is actually one of the strong good things in my life so whilst I don’t share the (recent) experience of heart break from a lover, I do share the experience of deep, drowning grief. The death of my mum when I was 10 sparked a life long grief that although less sharp, has morphed and changed shape over the years. A fresh grief emerged when I became a mum myself and viewed it from a mothers eyes; realised what she faced leaving. I was submerged once again in that river of grief when Dave’s mum died suddenly- the woman I secretly thought would be a second mum to me. And other family members have since died and yet again I’ve dipped into that river of grief. And you never quite dry off do you? Or sometimes you do but you realise that afterwards, you’re no longer the same. You are altered, and the grief remains always a part of you.
If for whatever reason grief is a part of your life, then Natasha has a broken heart tea that might help. This would make a lovely present as part of a care package for someone going through a hard breakup or having a shitty time. Over to her.
It takes time to incorporate the loss of a loved one into our life. A big part of the heartache we feel in the mean time is caused by the difficulty our brain trying to 'un-remember' someone. It takes time to accept this new version of reality and when we fight with it all we do is cause ourselves un-necessary mental suffering. Hawthorn (Crataegus lavaegata) helps us find the patience to witness our grief and accept things as they are.
I use Hawthorn in my practice for all things heart related. For some, when they experience heartache and grief they may get sensations of panic and anxiety. This is usually rooted in the fear of the unknown and Hawthorn is brilliant for this.
Not only can Hawthorn be used for the physical heart but also for the emotional heart too. Consider that in long relationships when one partner dies, the other often dies shortly after. This shows the strength of our emotions upon our bodies: when our heart breaks emotionally it can break physically too. Not only does Hawthorn help support the heart muscle it also helps tone the micro circulation. As a Herbalist I don't see physical and emotional as separate things but one in the same so I'm not surprised it does both of these things.
It's a natural response to loss for us to close the heart. But Hawthorn helps us find the stamina to open it again. It is a stronger person who makes themselves vulnerable by opening their heart than it does to keep the heart cold and closed forever more. Hawthorn will help warm your heart so you can love again. There is much wisdom to be found in the heart but we must take time and be gentle with ourselves to hear with the ear of our hearts.
To use Hawthorn for heartache or grief simply buy the dried flowers from somewhere like Neal's Yard Remedies. You might like to add a dash of dried roses to sweeten the tea. Mix them together and use a teaspoon to every cup of tea you make. Cover it with boiling water and infuse for 5mins before drinking. You can have this as often as you require it. If you'd like more details on making your own teas, tinctures and herbal oils you can download Natasha's free ebook here.
Disclaimer: The advice given is not intended for medicinal use, please consult your medical practitioner before using any of the remedies mentioned.
Thank you so much Natasha.