Things have been a lot quieter around here than usual, and for longer than I intended, but here's why! My sweet Auden finally came to join us at 42 weeks and has filled up my life and heart in a way I didn't think was possible. He is called Auden River Birch Bullivant; Auden (like the poet, although not named after him, Dave chose it and I loved it. It means "Old Friend"), River (our second choice boys name) Birch (Frankie wanted to call him Birchington On sea- a place we go past on the way to Margate on the train, so Birch is in reference to that, she is thrilled about it!) He is a sweet, super chilled baby.
I have been writing my birth story for a couple of weeks now, but suffice to say it was an incredible, if very intense, home water birth and I am full of gratitude for my incredible birth team, and full of awe at women's bodies. Watch out for the birth story soon!
Mostly however, i've been in bed with Aud and frequently Frankie; resting, breastfeeding and trying to soak up these oh so fleeting new born days as much as I possibly can. My days are passing in a milky scented haze of newborn snuffles, spring sunshine filtering through the windows, kisses on the softest of skin and middle of the night feeds. I'd forgotten how wonderful it is. Hard and tiring at times, yes, and full of hormonal ups and downs, but having a tiny newborn is just the sweetest, and I am pathetically in love with him.
We took these photo's when he was a week old and he is now 4 weeks old and has changed so much already!
We also celebrated Frankie-Rose's 5th- FIFTH!- birthday party. My baby is 5! Gah! My heaving mothers heart! In truth, planning it nearly wrecked me, but it was made manifest with abundant help from our families. We wanted her to feel completely full up with love and she most certainly did.
We started celebrations on Friday morning with our traditional birthday porridge and presents at home, followed by a lunch in our favourite local cafe, The Yard. I tied a balloon to her chair and Ellie, the owner, had prepared cupcakes with candles and a little "Happy Birthday Frankie" sign. The whole cafe sang to her, which totally delighted her, made me cry, and is something firmly scribed in the annals of Bullivant history. The following day we had a very low key party in the woods which was wonderful; the weather held out and the kids rampaged and turned a bit feral; building dens, hunting for fairies and making mud pits. My cousin and sister came to do face painting and hair chalk which went down a treat with the kiddo's. We cooked sausages on the campfire, scoffed on croissants and quaffed mugs of coffee. Her birthday cake was solemnly blown out by the spittle of 20 kids, she teared through presents and, quite simply, had a ball.
I am yet to master this whole mothering two malarkey; I wonder if I ever will! Although what they say is true; my heart has somehow expanded to love two children- something I simply could not fathom before he arrived.
When I go to the toilet in the middle of the night, and return to a gorgeous lump of a baby in my bed, I confess that I am sometimes a little shocked to see him there. Pleasantly shocked though, he is so so gorgeous (his smell! his squawks! his snuffles! His soft skin!) . It's the same when I get engrossed in a film, then glance at my side and see a sleeping baby. WHOA. He's MINE! I made him! Needless to say the adjustment is enormous. It feels like everything is sort of up in the air in slow motion, as though from an explosion; and I suppose it is... it's all so new and hard and wonderful and unknown and magical, and I'm smiling, and occasionally weeping, into it all. I am so excited and full of gratitude to see how the pieces land; how this story unfolds.
P.S I have quite a few blog posts nearly finished (hello new born life) , including my birth story, which I hope to share in the coming weeks. But posting might not be quite so regular during maternity leave, i'm yet to figure it all out